After A While

My heart is in so much pain.

I'm taking one day at a time.

Still stuck in Manila.

Still NO effin passport.

I'm trying to see things as what it is.

But the Mind vs Heart crap is clouding my judgment.

It's not easy.

Anyway, I pray for a brighter day. I pray for guidance and I pray for wisdom.

My good friend R shared this to me. It instantly brought me to tears.

I thought of sharing this to everyone..

After A While

Veronica Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and sharing a life

and you learn that love doesn't mean possession

and company doesn't mean security

and loneliness is universal.

And you learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes open

with the grace of a woman

not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your hope on today

as the future has a way of falling apart in mid flight.

Because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans,

yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path

toward the promise of a brighter dawn.

And you learn that even the sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and nourish your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that love, true love,

always has joys and sorrows,

seems ever present, yet is never quite the same,

becoming more than love and less than love

so difficult to define.

And you learn that through it all

you really can endure

that you really are strong

that you do have value

and you learn and grow

with every good bye

you learn

My November List

Whenever I feel awful inside, I have to make sure that I look good outside.

I also make myself busy by doing stuff for myself.

Superficial as it may sound, it helps me.

And so my plans this November are:

1. Belo Glycopeel twice a month (super effective and their therapists are really trained).

2. Belo Treatment kit (I had a consultation with Dra. Sheila-and she prescribed the contents of the kit-super effective).

3. 2nd session of Laser Light Hair Removal (worth the investment).

4. 2nd shot of Cervarix Cervical Cancer Vaccine (its painful but is important).

5. Contact Lens (I really like the brand Fresh Look because it blends well-you wont look like an alien).

6. Go back to the gym and work my ass off (literally and figuratively).

7. Start studying for my new role.

8. Singapore Visit (puhlease passport, puhlease Foreign Affairs.. be nice to me!)

9. Pray more (I forgot to pray-and so I need to find my way back...)

10. Attend careshops again and start with affirmation that I am worthy to be loved.

My Coffee Stained Effin Passport

Reactive: Reactive thinking is crisis-based thinking, coming up with solutions after problems develop. Reactive thinking responds to the situation. A reactive thinker often spends too much of his time fighting fires. A reactive thinker is easily blindsided by circumstances. A crisis-driven reactive thinker may be more prone to feeling stress. (Read more: Define Proactive Vs. Reactive Thinking | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_6642468_define-proactive-vs_-reactive-thinking.html#ixzz1cYDwlzZ5)

I hate being reactive.
If I fixed my passport months ago, I would have been in Singapore now.
But no no no.. procrastination got the better of me.
And now I am stuck in Manila. (hate it).


I'm going through a whirlwind of emotions right now.
I need my bestfriend Y to talk to me through this.
I need a distraction from my thoughts.
I need to do stuff and be productive so that I'll stop analyzing things.
I need to prepare myself.
Until the day G decides to talk to me again.


For now, my escape plans went short because of my passport.
Starbucks Coffee got spilled and ruined my not-yet-expired passport.
Hence, I have to go through a renewal tedious process to have it fixed which takes time..which makes me insane..which is why Im forced to just stay here in Manila.


I'm
Coping.
Reflecting.
Waiting.
Hoping.
Deciding.


Lesson learned: Passport is essential for quickie escapes.
And so for now, while I let time pass by-I need to 'organize' my self.
And be a better me (in all aspects).

Rainbow Bridge

My sunshine decided to sleep last October 15.

I miss her.

I find myself in tears whenever I think of her-not just because of her absence: but also because of how she touched my heart and how she remained to be my Kimmie up to the very end.

Kimmie didn't respond to the 'flush'. Her creatinine went up despite the IV and the medicines.  I was given an option to do another 'flush' but it would only lengthen Kimmie's life for a couple of days..and it wouldn't even lessen the pain. So I decided to bring her home. I tried my best to give her happy days despite her condition; gave her home care, food that she wants, medicines, play time, and all the love from us. Oh when I brought her home, she was so happy to see Borris and Georgina. She was home-away from the hospital smell and the strangers handling her. Somehow, I feel that it was a good decision.

I'd like to think that I gave Kimmie my all-but who am I to say that. Every single day right after I brought her home, I would I talk to kimmie and tell her to be strong and that she will get better and that she has to eat. --It was painful for me to see her deteriorate right in front of my eyes. Reflexes were slower and she was really thin. She ate to please me but eventually as days pass by-she cannot swallow her food anymore.

Before I left for the office last October 15, I spoke to Kimmie. This time I did not give her the 'pep' talk.. but I hugged her and reminded her that I love her. I told her that she was being brave all through out but I also said that she looked tired. I told her that I can't and won't put her to sleep-so as painful as it  was for me- I said to Kimmie that she should decide. I told her not to worry about me and that I will find a way to be okay and just think of happy memories. I hugged her, and she just looked at me with her labrador droopy eyes.  


When I arrived home just a couple of hours later... Kimmie left me already.

When I said that Kimmie remained to be very 'Kimmie' up to very end, it is because her character was still very her despite that her body deteriorated. She never complained. Not once did I hear her cry. She didn't like being a hassle to anyone. She just receives what is given and never asked for more. When she left me, she went to the backyard; away from anyone to see. She was loyal and was being brave to please me-but when I told her to decide on her own and rest if she is too tired already, off she went very discreetly.. like she doesn't want anyone to have a hard time.

Oh sunshine I miss you. 

You're the most enthuastic one who greets me every morning.

Giving and giving love and never expecting anything in return.

Thank you for a year and 10months Kimmie.

Thank you for showing me love and for being so sweet.

Than you for reminding me that life is fleeting and that everyday should be a celebration of it.

Gone too soon little sunshine, but I know I'll see you again in the rainbow bridge.

I love you my furbaby. 

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Youngest Yellow

Kimmie-Lou is confined for 3 days. I brought my youngest yellow in VIP Clinic in Mandaluyong today (Vets In Practice).

I've been noticing her gradual weight loss but I attributed it to the brand of dog food.

She has a healthy appetite so I thought that the weight loss was just because of the previous brand of dog food (that perhaps it was made of "fillers" - more on corn and not much meat).
So, I made a switch to a premium brand of dog food.

Her appetite is still healthy (as always-typical of a Labrador) but she was still losing weight. 
I decided to bring her to the clinic today just to get a clearance from her doctor.
Doc Rizza said that her blood count is low (anemic) and that is because of the high creatinine. She is diagnosed (from the result of the blood test) to have a kidney problem. Kimmie-Lou is just a year and 10 months old so Doc Rizza highly thinks that this can be a congenital concern (really weak kidneys/DNA).

I am trying to manage my emotions and stay positive. She will be on IV  for 3 days just to flush-out toxins, hydrate and help her kidneys recover fast. If she responds to that-then there's a huge probability of her recovering fast. Help me pray, and pray hard with me.

She is the sunshine of the group, and she is needed and loved. She needs to get well.

Techy Change

I'm "cleaning and clearing" both my Smart and Globe phonebook.

I find it very therapeutic!

Thanks to Smart-I am now with a new number and it's currently housed in a ZTE v9 Tablet (nothing fancy like an iPad, but it really works for me!).

I'm also changing my Globe number on Monday; it will be housed in Blackberry Curve 3G.

I'm very pleased with the shift :) 
I like the fact that both are wifi capable (yahooo to staying connected 24/7)

Now what applications should I download?

My How To: Worry-Less ❣

"I worry a lot."-thats what my bestfriends tell me. Both of them would even tell me that I worry-when there is nothing to worry about. I tell them that they are insane but admittedly, I know that there is some truth in it. 

I worry when things don't go as planned. I am a planner. I enjoy making a list and creating a calendar for it. When one thing doesn't turn out as planned-it  creates a ripple effect. When that happens... the OHH-NOOOO and the nerves will eventually crash into me.

I don't sulk everyday and I'd like to think I'm not a grumpy camper too. 

It's just that when I am overwhelmed on making ends meet, adjusting my timeline and figuring out solutions (like I have my own STRAT PLAN event in my mind)- thats' the time I put on my worry-heavy mode. I am lucky that G can handle this side of me because I have the tendency to give a 'too heavy' energy that lasts for hours. (that's why sometimes I prefer to sleep on it to wake up with a clearer mind.)

There are 2 Mantras that successfully snap me out of this negativity. When I am worrying excessively (aka HEAVY MOOD), I remind myself that:

1.  Life is short: We are in a 'borrowed' time: A very sad reality. So worrying excessively (I say excessively because 'worrying' itself can be an act of caring) is a waste of emotions and a waste of time. Having a negative vibe affects the people around me and that creates a negative atmosphere which invites negative thoughts and experiences (ripple effect). I say life is too short-I should surround myself with love and laughter. Life is beautiful!
2. I should have a more grateful heart: I don't do this by comparing my life with another person's situation (No No No). I look at my life and I consciously acknowledge the many blessings that I have received. Come to think of it, there are many blessings that I didn't even work or ask for. It seems like I would be acting like a spoiled child to God if I get upset when things don't immediately go my way. I am grateful for all that was given to me and I am blessed to be where I am now.

Having a grateful heart makes one's seemingly ordinary day, extraordinary beautiful. And so, here' my gratitude wall:

✪ I am grateful for my life and the long life I will live with my love ones.✪ I am grateful for my good health and the good health of my love ones.✪ I am grateful for having a loving family (my dad, mom, sister and brother)-my  sister has always been there for me and never ever left my side.✪ I am grateful for having my G (my Other half.. my happily ever after!).✪ I am grateful for my loyal bestfriends and friends.✪ I am grateful for my job.✪ I am grateful for my talents and my gifts.✪ I am grateful for my body and the beauty that God has made.✪ I am grateful for my education.✪ I am gratful for my yellow labs and Samuel.✪ I am grateful for having a car (no commuting, whew!)✪ I am grateful because I  know how to love and I love deeply.✪ I am grateful because I can express myself well.✪ I am grateful for the 'challenges' because it keeps me up on my toes-pushing my limits and challenging me to make things happen.✪ I am grateful for all the opportunities.✪ I am grateful for a beautiful life.

And so I end this post with the thoughts on why one should be thankful....

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown